Monkeys

We saw these monkeys in Darjeeling. They're just common pests like stray dogs, I guess. But I got a big kick out of them. So here's a short clip for the fans.

The Daily Star and Other Funny English

The Daily Star is the local English language newspaper. We have it delivered to our door every morning, and it serves as our primary source of information about the goings-on of the country and the world. The Daily Star is a fine publication which blends thoroughly researched and unbiased reporting with artfully crafted prose. It is such a pleasure to read that I’ve decided to post a few excerpts here on the Bideshi Chronicles. For best results switch your internal narrator to the voice of Abbu from The Simpsons and read on.

Headline: Even 2yr olds got plot in huge housing graft Taskforce probe unearths mind-boggling irregularities in NHA affairs

Excerpt: A taskforce of the National Coordination Committee (NCC) to Combat Corruption and Serious Crimes designated to investigate National Housing Authority (NHA) yesterday revealed corruption of the authority officials and employees as cavalier as allotting housing plots to even two-year old children…Besides, the taskforce found out that many unscrupulous allottees ended up encroaching on more land than they had been allotted, maintaining an unholy nexus with the corrupt NHA officials and employees…

Headline: Special bus service shatters hope of commuters

Photo Caption: Buses of city special service stop at the middle of the road to take or drop passengers violating the traffic rules and ignoring the safety

Excerpt: The city bus service launched about two months ago to provide special services has shattered hope of the commuters as it failed to keep its promises. The commuters are being cheated in the name of Metro Special City Service inaugurated on November 21 last year. Defiance of rules set for the vehicles under the service, harassment of commuters and realization of excess fare have become a routine picture due to the indifference of the authorities concerned…

Headline: CTG Ammo Haul Fresh Probe ordered to find real culprits court also asks CMP to appoint honest IO

Excerpt: A Chittagong court for the second time ordered further investigation into the cases filed in connection with the haul of 10 truckloads of deadly weapons and huge quantity of ammunition at Chittagong Urea Fertiliser Ltd jetty on April 2, 2004 to find out the real culprits. Mystery shrouds over the identity of the smugglers…The Court…ordered the Chittagong metropolitan Police commissioner yesterday to appoint an efficient and honest investigation officer (IO) to conduct further investigation of the case…In the order the court said further investigation is required as the time demands for it and to find out the real culprits.

In addition to the Daily Star, local signs often display quality English advertising. This one reads:

Thing Care of Her Eternal Beauty

Dear Shahzadi

Unfold is your beauty
Untold is your love…
What a paragon you are
I look on over and over

Equally moving and informative is the labeling on common food products. The back of our orange juice box reads:

Orange concentrate from selected best quality orange, blended carefully with other suitable ingredients and packed aseptically to make it a natural fruity, delicious & refreshing orange juice. For better taste, chill & shake well before serving. Revitalize, Rejuvenate & Reactivate yourself with ACME orange juice.

The instructions on Crispo’s Chocolate Custard Powder read:

1. Take two Tablespoons of Crispo Custard Powder in a bowl
2. Thoroughly mix Custard Powder in some milk in from the ½ liter potion
3. Mix Sugar (four Tablesopoons or to taste) in remaining milk bring to boil.
4. Stir Continuously as you add boiling milk in custard powder. Delicious Custard is ready.

I’m still trying to figure out what the “1/2 liter potion” is…

I also like company tag-lines on TV commercials. My favorite is:

And for beautiful hair you would want to keep touching – Dove Hair Care!

Tee-shirts are also good. Here I’m wearing one that says Man Style If You Like This. You can probably read Kelsey's. It says Wonderful Bangladesh. Jen's says Me Only Babe The Power Ober Ourselbs Let Make Something Out Of It. Make Your Own Destiny.

Religious Revivals Deshi Style

Back in January in our neighborhood we noticed workers constructing a huge bamboo structure in the local park/cricket field. Over the course of a week the structure began to take on the shape of a palace, with big towers crowned with the tear-drop-shaped turrets that are common in this part of the world. Eventually they covered it with colored cloth to complete the look. Meanwhile, livestock in increasing quantities began to line the main street between our neighborhood and Farmgate. Among the animals were two camels and one of the largest bulls we've ever seen - certainly the largest we've seen in Bangladesh. One night as we were walking home from our friends’ house, we stopped to ask some people what all the preparations were for. An old man wearing a toupee and Punjabi explained that it was for Urosh. We asked what they were going to do with the animals. Kill them he said. I guess one of the camels must have heard him. Because it stuck its head through the makeshift fence and took hold of the old man's coat in its mouth. Quick as a greased lizard the old man ducked out of his coat and commenced a pulling match with the camel. More because I wanted to touch a camel than for any other reason, I stepped up and poked the camel between the eyes a couple of times. He didn't let go of the man's coat. Then someone shooed me away and whacked the camel on the head with a stick. It let go then. The old man got his coat back a little worse for the wear, I imagine.

Later we learned that Urosh was a festival in honor of a living saint. From our perspective it looked a lot like the tent revivals folks have back home. They had preaching (and even some music, I think) all day and all night for about three days. The darwan and his grandson, Shadhin, from downstairs got decked out in their Friday finest and asked us to take their picture before going out to pray.

On another walk past the camels, an old man asked us if we wanted to come in and meet the saint. We declined. I’m not sure why.

Bideshi Dam

One of the running themes of this experience (and hence this blog) is the question of what to pay for stuff. It is a well known fact that the average bideshi has more money than the average Bangladeshi, but the consequences of this vary widely from place to place, situation to situation. It is standard practice for sellers to ask anywhere from two to ten times the normal price when we inquire about a purchase price. We refer to this marked up price as Bideshi Dam (foreigner price). Depending on our mood, the amount of the mark up, the general attitude of the seller, and who-knows-what-else we either bargain hard or simply purchase the desired item. We've resigned ourselves to the fact that we will always pay more than a Bangladeshi, and that's okay. After all, even the Bideshi Dam is typically dirt cheap for us and you can't fault the seller for trying to take advantage of that fact. However, on a couple of recent outings we've run across examples of institutionalized Bideshi Dam (see the signs below). Somehow this is more offensive. For example, the entrance price to Lalbag Kella, a fort in old Dhaka, is 5 Taka for Bangladeshis and 50 Taka for forgeiners.

Even more outrageous is the difference in entrance price to the Lawa Charra, and old forest/national park in Sylette. There the standard price is 20 Taka (10 for children). Bideshis pay 350 Taka! (Actually, in the interest of honest disclosured I should mention that, despite the sign, we did not have to pay any entrance fee at all - who knows why. Must have just been a free day.)